i have never felt so challenged in my life. some challenges, like school, are self inflicted. others, like family, falling out of love, (and finding new love interest only to have him move 2000 miles away) are situations that i cannot control. the only thing i can do is try to deal and get thru it.
i know i have a huge support system. and if you are reading this, you know i am part of yours.
i am going to start today with a better attitude and try being hopeful instead of helpless.
todays list:
- drink tea and read bbc news cuz i have no idea what is going on
- shower
- wear fav. clothes and fav converse sneaks w/ star laces
- go to bio lab and work real hard
- hike up mountain to dad's place
- leave him letter of what i have been up to, and lucky rock that vic gave me. (his idea)
- see family since i have been neglecting to hang out for months
- get caught up on homework
- eat something green
love kat
4 comments:
whats funny, is sometimes i make a promise that i will eat something green when i havnt for a few days!
today i was looking for something and ended up reading through my journal from Ireland and the 2 weeks that followed in boston. When i got back to boston i was really depressed and fucked up because everything had ended. No matter what i did or how i looked at it, everything that meant something to me in that city was finished. So i climbed a giant hill everyday on my bike to stare at the skyline. it was really fucking physically hard.
when i look back on it i remember being happy to be back in the US. I remember being happy to see my school friends. I don't remember all the stuff that i wrote down.
As i was reading my journal there are all this half drunk entries and about how terrible everything was and how i had broken my own heart, how i didn't want all these things to be over but i had no choice.
a lot of the entries are written from my bed, which i would sit for hours in drinking beer and probably crying like a dork.
When i was reading it today it all seemed pretty forien to me. I giggled at the drama. I had forgotten about most of it all together.
i guess all im saying is that there is always a light up ahead. There is always something better or at least different that will make you forget the bad stuff. And the things you learn about your self when you can look back is priceless.
we all love you. life is just so fucking hard sometimes.
ten that seriously made me feel hopeful. i guess what's going on is that i am starting something new...again...in the middle of starting something else that is new. leaving behind 2 lives when i haven't even gotton used to 1 yet. okay, that sounds confusing, but you prob get my drift.
i want to fastforward, but can't. need to ride it out and pay attention.
wow, you really nailed it. makes me realize that my situation is not unique. something else big (and good!) is coming my way.
meg: sometimes i am eating greens and i can feel myself feeling better like half way thru my salad. magic.
love you guys.
Love you Kat
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